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My boyfriend of two years broke up with me

mia345 asked
My question is maybe for a guy to answer. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me two months ago. It was stupid, he talked about needing to be single in college or something. I was really, really upset in the beginning. Eventually, I learned to be more independent and I kind of came to understand his decision. Then, a couple days ago, he asked if we could talk. So we got coffee, and he told me that he missed me. Not only did he miss me, actually, he wanted to get back together with me. We talked about everything, and he did sleep with someone else while we were broken up, but I made out with a few guys too in that time. So I guess my question would be, do you think that I can trust my boyfriend to be my boyfriend again? I did miss him, and I’m much happier to have him in my life than not. But I’m still doubtful. I just don’t want him doing something like that ever again. I didn’t see the breakup coming last time, and I just want to know if I can feel alright about giving it
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sevenda40
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sevenda40 answered Expert answer - Find more experts: click here!

Well, it looks like the male brain has got you stumped. I think you need to take it slowly, you know, one day at a time, until you are able to build that bond again, trust. Remember it was him who broke up with you, and slept around, and now wants you back. So, it’s him who really has to prove himself to you and not the other way around.

By your comments, you sound like you are still deciding on whether or not you want someone like him in your life in the future. While “I’ll die without you” is a legitimate reason, you will need to have a legit reason for getting back with your boyfriend after what happened. And while you can become the perfect girlfriend, the perfect wife, you have to make him realize that a relationship is a two way street. And then there’s the other thing. He slept with another girl. While you did make out with other guys during the duration too shnookums, you will just have to deal with this one like you would a bad haircut, as in, give it time. I know it sucks, knowing that kind of info, but think about it this way, why would he be so honest about his past if he wanted to repeat it, right? So, he’s probably serious this time around. But, again, take it slow.

While the breakup may have sucked, sure, your relationship had its problems, but guess what? So, does everybody else’s. If you feel like you can get past the writing bad poetry and listening to angry music phase, and you’re thinking of giving it a shot…again, then why not. Expert answer - Find more experts: click here!

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Guest answered

He most likely (regardless of what he might say) already wanted to sleep with someone else while dating you. He's treating you like a safety net. You should be someone's first choice. Don't get back together with him. Find someone who knows they want you and only you.

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no no no no. don't go back. if I would have have asked this question a year ago I wouldn't be back in heartbreak central again. I had dated my ex all though middle school and high school, two days after graduation we broke up. it was the kind of break up that was civil, it was he hurt me I hurt him worse. we fought fire with fire. in that time I thought I couldn't be anything without him. we were broken up for the whole summer before college, in that time we both slept with someone else, thinking since we we had only been together maybe we thought that that's what we were missing is being with someone else. that only caused more heartache. well August came around and of course being together for so long we both planned on going to the same college and we're moving into the same dorm. so I knew we were going to see each other again one day. we ended up getting back together in October, I'm not going to lie I got back into the relationship with no trust thinking I could rebuild it. I just kept finding out things that he had done that summer and who he talked to, really hurting me. we dated all the way until June of this year and then he did it again, we broke up. on top of everything it was over text and he was already talking to a girl he had talked to the summer before. last summer I was heartbroken just how you probably think you are but once getting back together with him and thinking it was going to workout and that we just needed that break last summer, I was wrong. I had created my image in him and not myself. I haven't talked to him in 2 months and still don't plan on ever talking to him. I'm one step ahead of you. I'm no where close to getting married or wanting to be married but I'm not going to be in an immature relationship where in a certain season I was going to be dumped. yall dated for two years, im sure you thought yall would be high school sweethearts and yall were in love but if he had those feelings for you he wouldn't have broken up with you just to play the field before college.

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Guest answered

Go with you gut. If it feels right than get back together. You may actually have a stronger relationship this time around. And kudos to him for being honest. Sometimes it takes another relationship to see the grass isn't greener on the other side. Remember, everyone makes mistakes. If you don't give him another chance, you will never know if he changed for the better. And besides, you missed him so I think there's still love there.

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ink90 answered

You don't want to be some one else back up plan, especially when they have left you once already. You didnt see it last time and you wont probably won't see it next time too coz your blinded in lies and his sweet talks. Its better you start moving on. There are lot of nice guys getting friendzoned out there, give them a chance rather than hurting yourself more on the wrong person.

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Guest answered

Any guy that loves you wouldn't break up with you and then sleep with someone else. It just doesn't work that way. I think you should realize your worth and move on. There's someone out there who would never do that to you. And you deserve that.

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I'm not a guy, but when I was much younger I broke up with my boyfriend. Mostly because I didn't really know what I wanted. When I suddenly realized I missed him I asked to get back together and we did. It wasn't long before I decided I wanted other things again and we broke up again, only to get back together a few months later again. This trend went on for a few years throughout school. I always found other guys to be with and he found other girls in between. We always seemed to find our way back to each other though. I always realized that no one was as great as him, and he always loved me enough to take me back. I feel terrible for all of the heartache I put him through while I tried to figure out what I wanted, and am grateful for the amount of love he had for me. In three weeks we will have now been happily married for 17 years. The first years were rough, but we always loved each other to work through our worst moments together (or maybe we were both just too stubborn to give up.) Either way, we are a happy family. You need to decide how much you love him. If you truly do, you will get past the hurt, anger, and lack of trust you feel. Only you can decide how much you truly love him. If you don't, it could turn into another round of heartache. If you really do, he will eventually see that and you can live a happy life together. Relationships are never easy. The harder you work for them, the more gratifying they end up becoming. If you live him, don't give up on him. You could be sitting where I am in 17 years. If you don't love him, you would be wasting your time and his. The decision has to be yours. Only you know what is in your heart. Good luck!

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