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Confused and just emotionally drained. How do I end what everyone thinks is the perfect relationship, even him?

I've been with my now fiancé for many years. When he proposed I guess I thought things would get better, give us something to look forward too...but I think I'm more unhappy now then ever. We dropped everything to move a few states away to start over, but nothing has changed fit the good. My fiancé is a recovering addict and I've been extremely supportive of him for over 6 years now. I spent so many nights waiting for a phone call that would destroy my entire world, and I was one of the lucky ones, because it never came, and he got clean with minimal setbacks, but one big problem. Early in our relationship I found out I had a debilitating brain disease, and so on came the pain meds. At first when they started to disappear I was really confused, I never NEVER expected he would do something so low..but one day, just as we were packing for Bermuda for a vacation with his family, 2 days b4 my bday I caught him red handed. We broke up needless to say most akward vaca ever! I couldn't even tell his wonderful parents what really happened so I told them he cheated. As he got help we got back together and he really did try, but now 5 years later, engaged and living far from everything I've known, he's still at it. He stole my medicine just 3 weeks ago and threatened to kill himself if I left him...I do love him, but I'm so unhappy. I've been unhappy... but I'm so scared that if I finally leave him he will do something stupid and get high again, and I'm afraid I'll get that phone call I've always dreaded. I see now by never telling his parents, and always taking him back I've been the ultimate enabler. I'm so confused and so miserable! My head is a mess. We haven't been intimate in a long time bc the thought of letting him touch me disgusts me.. but I still love him so very much. For years I've been putting him and his needs and wants before mine, and I'm still doing it. I'm also afraid that if we broke up after everything his parents have done for us and for me especially, that they will hate me. I know I will have to tell them the truth also and I know it will hurt his mother that I kept this from her for so long. Just so many things are stopping me from breaking up with him, most of all because I still love him with all my heart... but I think it's high time I do something for me.
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